Money and Marriage

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my marriage.  We’ve been married for 13 years, and our anniversary just passed, so it’s been on my mind. 

I’ve also been thinking a lot lately about money.  Given the current economy, it’s also been on my mind.  My husband owns his own custom cabinetry company, and, if our economy is suffering, so is his business:  people just don’t buy custom cabinetry or redo their kitchens if they have to tighten the belt.  So we’ve been suffering a lot this year, and have gone more into debt than I’m entirely comfortable with.  And haven’t saved as much as we should.  I’m sure that’s how it is in a lot of marriages right now, regardless if jobs are dependent on other people’s discretionary spending habits.

As I think about our marriage, and about money, I think about the combination (sometimes toxic, inflammatory) of the two; I’ve heard that most couples’ arguments are about money.

Ours, definitely, are about money, and lack thereof.  And debt and how we spend it.

I have a tendency to NOT spend money freely.  He spends more freely than I do.  I buy things on sale, things we need.   He buys cigarettes, knowing he needs to quit, and coffees out, knowing that those are essentially the easiest way to lose money besides throwing it on the ground.

I wonder if this is common in most marriages or just stands out when the economy suffers.  Economy suffers, marriages suffer?

Has anyone done a survey on this matter yet?

Inexpensive Gourmet

Last night, we made one of our favorite inexpensive fancy gourmet dinners.  In all, it probably cost us $3 per person.  I haven’t exactly done the math on that but it’s a great meal for a cheap price.  And, we had leftovers, which my husband took for lunch today.  The best part of being newly frugal is being able to make great tasting, filling meals for not much money.  It was almost like a date night at home!  I love Italian food, and love it even more when it costs about what it would in Italy (where it is very economical to eat well).

The recipes, essentially, are as follows:

THE PASTA:

2 cans Organic diced tomatoes, with excess water drained (from Costco, 4.99 for 8 cans with coupon)

three huge garlic cloves, diced

about a cup and half of artichoke hearts in oil (from Costco, about 12.99 for a huge jar of which this was about a fourth)

two teaspoons of tiny capers (from the grocery store, probably about $4 for the small jar, of which this was a small amount)

splash of olive oil

salt and freshly ground pepper to taste.

*simmer all these things in a sauce or sauté pan for about 15 minutes, after sautéing the garlic first in the oil

Angel hair pasta (from grocery store, 89 cents for the box, of which this was about half), cooked al dente.

THE SALAD:

Salad greens (from grocery store, 3.00 after I got buy one get one free, of which this was about half of the container)

Dried cranberries, handful (from Costco, probably about $10 for the huge bag, of which this was a miniscule amount.

Sunflower seeds, handful (from grocery store, have no idea what they cost me, because I bought them a long time ago)

Half a leftover chicken breast, baked.

Olive oil and balsamic vinegar with a pinch of sugar and some ground pepper as the dressing.

*toss these things together in a bowl and dress with the vinaigrette.

Two full glasses of wine (from our favorite wine store, when they were having a sale on Penfold’s shiraz, for $4.97 per bottle---I bought two cases and got an extra 10% off of the sale price—about half of one bottle)

*pour these, toast, and enjoy!

 Our son had a glass of milk, too.

Sales Flyers

Yesterday, I actually picked up the sales flyer from the two grocery stores we most frequent.  Generally I don’t pay much attention to the flyers; when I go to the stores I tend to buy things on sale, but don’t often (read: ever) prepare for purchases by specifically planning out my shopping lists for sale items.  I also don’t use coupons as much as I should.

But, yesterday, I picked up the sales flyers and saw that chicken breasts were significantly on sale at one of the stores, today and tomorrow.  So, the plan is to go to that store, buy the chicken breasts (limit 3) and freeze them. 

This is supposed to be the new big thing to do, in being frugal, that is:  shop specifically for sale items, use coupons, shop wisely and cut your grocery bill.  I’m really going to attempt this, as we need to see more money staying on our side.  We need it, or we won’t survive.

I showed my husband, who is not at all a supershopper, and he got excited about the chicken breasts (what a funny sentence).  He said, “And we need to check out these sales flyers even when we have more money coming in.  It’s a good thing to do.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, I have to admit.  In our marriage, I tend to find things to save money, and do them, and he tends to ignore my advice/comments/suggestions, until it’s almost too late, or until someone else suggests the same thing I did (this is not to say in any way that he’s a jerk; he’s really not.  It’s just that it seems easier for him to hear things from other people than from me, for some reason).

I’m just glad he’s on board for finding bargains and searching out the best deal.  We need every bit of help we can get right now.

Marathons and Marriages

Marathons are like long marriages.  You have moments of sublime joy, but also have times where you want to throw in the towel, give up, and go take a long bath.  But you don’t---you hunker down and keep plugging along.  And soon, another moment of joy arrives to take your breath away.

My own marriage celebrated its anniversary shortly after the marathon.  It still amazes me that my husband and I have known each other for 15 years and have been married for 13.

My husband, D, is not a runner.  He puts up with my obsession, mostly because he realizes that it keeps me sane; I do not feel like myself if I’m not running regularly.  Not only does he put up with Saturday long runs, and midweek evening runs that take me away from him and our young son with regularity, but he helps with the things he knows I need:  he keeps me hydrated by making sure I drink Gatorade mixed with water on long runs, he keeps me fueled by cooking huge pasta dinners on Friday nights, he keeps me strong by timing my plank pose, and he keeps me flexible by helping me stretch.

For me, the first half of this year’s marathon began with joy; I was with my favorite running partners, having a great time.  Then, thunder struck:  I was derailed with intestinal issues.  I had thought this was going to be a really good run, but it turned out to be a difficult one.  During the first half, I stopped 6 times to use the restroom.  I completely gave up on my time goal at the half, and decided to just enjoy myself, much like giving up on ‘expectations’ in a marriage and just enjoying your partner.

I knew D would be waiting for me at the 17 mile marker, to cheer me on and give me my exact mix of watered-down Gatorade.  Indeed, he was there, and he, the non-runner, helped me run/walk until mile 25.  While I know it’s frowned upon to have people run with you during the marathon who are not registered, and, in fact, realize that it’s truly against the rules, I admit that it helped me tremendously to have him there with me.  I respect the rule but know that breaking it was what helped me finish this marathon.

When I needed to walk, he walked with me.  When I felt like I could run a while, he ran with me along the side of the route.  He encouraged me, cajoled me, repeatedly saying how he was proud of me, which helped.  I made it to the finish line.

I’ve been telling people since then that although I didn’t have my best marathon time this year, it was the best time I’ve had at a marathon.  That is largely due to D.  And at around mile 20 of our marriage, before bonking, it’s good to remember that, while anticipating the next moment of joy.